Dire Weasels: A real(ish) play 5e Dungeons and Dragons podcast Once described as if D&D and Cards Against Humanity had a baby. That seems fairly close.

September 22, 2016  

We do things. And stuff. We kinda sorta get things done. Also, Ivana is a dove. 

The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels 

@Walk6070 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @codedude3 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans. 

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
 
 
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September 2, 2016  
Now we know you be loving this shit right here.

@DireWeasels : @Walk6070, @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @codedude3 and @arcanevice

Rate and review us at itunes. Also, if you figure out how to rate and review us on google music, feel free to let me (@absurdistkobold) know so that I might be able to do that thing myself. Check out our Patreon (patreon.com/direweasels), which to be fair, might be in need of a little bit of a refresh. Check out our sibling podcasts at the glorious house of S (@shousestudio). Email us at direweasels@gmail.com. Those are the things. Thanks for listening.

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July 20, 2016  
Between kittens and killers, we try to figure out, as a party, what we are going to do next! That's actually about it? We talk, some of us change personalities, and use the restroom? It's weird. We all tried to pay attention real hard, but we think we know what we are doing? Something about purple lights and something coming from the south. What could that be? Do you think that cat Mike threw was the Goblin lady thing? Who knows! Maybe figure it out with this episode? I mean. I guess...

We are, and totally will forever be @Direweasels. Currently we are Forrest @walk6070 as your DM, John @absurdistkobold as DueNauks, Ivana @arcanevice as Mike, Mollie @eskimomo9 as Sierra Mist and Cody @codedude3 as Grimgar.

Got any questions or comments that you want us to read on the show? Email us at direweasels@gmail.com.

Keep Forrest smiling by going on iTunes or your respective podcasting application to rate and review us! If you like use enough to keep the lights on (I'm not sure WHERE these lights are but they keep us going) go and check out patreon.com/direweasels to drop us some cold hard cash to burn in that fire and keep producing content!

Also, if you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio! Those who synergism together get electrocuted together!

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July 13, 2016  

We had some technecical difficulties, so the audio is uneven in this episode, but there's still amusement to be found here. We meet another goblin, so a good chunk of the podcast has 3 people using essentially the same voice. Some shit with cats goes down, and Forrest wanted me to put a bunch of puns in the title, but fuck that shit. 

 

@DireWeasels : @Walk6070, @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @codedude3 and @arcanevice

Rate and review us at itunes. Also, if you figure out how to rate and review us on google music, feel free to let me (@absurdistkobold) know so that I might be able to do that thing myself. Check out our Patreon (patreon.com/direweasels), which to be fair, might be in need of a little bit of a refresh. Check out our sibling podcasts at the glorious house of S (@shousestudio). Email us at direweasels@gmail.com. I think that's what I have for now. Thanks for listening.

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July 7, 2016  

So the gang begins their casual trek upon The Big Road and encounters an encounter that should have been encountered for only 5 minutes. They manage to stretch it into one full episode of bull shit, unsurprisingly. Ivana is on a roll with comedic GOLD, Cody is slowly becoming a robot and John realizes he must have done something horrible in his previous life to deserve our company. ((Me thinks he was previously Hitler.)) So join us on our road to Perdition and grab a couple brewskies to help ease the pain. 

 

The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels 

@Walk6070 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @codedude3 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans. 

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
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June 30, 2016  
This episode was supposed to come out during Geeklycon, but due to forgetting my own audio at home, and having such a great time, it didn't happen... However, this was still an interesting episode! Forrest tries to finally punish us for all that we have done, like bad little children... ooooo. Also, I should mention, something happens to John's computer so we lost that audio, so John ripped the audio from twitch and we used that for the beginning of the episode.

As for actual story stuff, the gang almost gets hung, and not in the good way. There were plenty of great goofs in here, so I left as many in as I could... and by that, I mean minimal edit... Hopefully I don't get hung for my crimes...

We are, and totally will forever be @Direweasels. Currently we are Forrest @walk6070 as your DM, John @absurdistkobold as DewKnaucks, Ivana @arcanevice as Mike, Mollie @eskimomo9 as Sierra Mist and Cody @codedude3 as Grimgar.

Got any questions or comments that you want us to read on the show? Email us at direweasels@gmail.com.
Keep Forrest smiling by going on iTunes or your respective podcasting application to rate and review us! If you like use enough to keep the lights on (I'm not sure WHERE these lights are but they keep us going) go and check out patreon.com/direweasels to drop us some cold hard cash to burn in that fire and keep producing content!
Also, if you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio! Those who synergism together get electrocuted together!

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June 8, 2016  

Mollie returns from Tax hell and we tangent like we haven't really chatted all that much as a group for half of a year or so. There's also a skill challenge, and lots of singing. Really. However much singing you think there is, there is probably more. It was fun to be a part of. Hopefully it will also be fun to listen to.

@Direweasels are @walk6070, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, @eskimomo9, and @codedude3. 

 

Send us email at direweasels@gmail.com, rate and review on itunes (and if you figure out how, google podcasts.... I sure haven't yet), and check out patreon.com/direweasels.

 

If you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio! 

If you're going to be in Portland in a week, come find us. Aside from @arcanevice, we don't bite.
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June 2, 2016  

The gang meets up with some dude named Cory Lon and gets to know him better, they also encounter the usual racism of Shits...I mean Gristanbul...

 

The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels 

@Walk6070 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @codedude3 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans. @Eskimomo9 should be blessing us with her sweet melody soon.

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
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May 26, 2016  
I've always had a minimal interest in science. There were some things that fascinated me, and other things that couldn't be more mundane. Even the classifications of living things was borderline mundane, but the ability to call out the species and genus, having some sort of variant name for things was always cool. Homo Sapiens, canis familiaris. Latin is just real cool. Even check out hericium erinaceus. Wish I had some sort of alternate name.

Anyway, we find our compatriots still searching for the "God's Eye" mushroom deep within the Caves of Gritstanbul. I'm only assuming they are the caves of said place. People are being crazy. And with crazy mushrooms attacking, some people could get a little crazy. Maybe even misinterpret what others are trying to do, or just lose ones self in the moment. Does this make any sense? Probably not. Sorry for the terrible edit! Tried to get this one done quick! Much love!

We are, and totally will forever be @Direweasels. Currently we are Forrest @walk6070 as your DM, John @absurdistkobold as DuNauques, Ivana @arcanevice as Mike, and Cody @codedude3 as Grimgar.

Got any questions or comments that you want us to read on the show? Email us at direweasels@gmail.com.
Keep Forrest smiling by going on iTunes or your respective podcasting application to rate and review us! If you like use enough to keep the lights on (I'm not sure WHERE these lights are but they keep us going) go and check out patreon.com/direweasels to drop us some cold hard cash to burn in that fire and keep producing content!
Also, if you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio! Those who synergism together get electrocuted together!

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May 11, 2016  

We're going on a squeegee hunt!

Actually we're looking for the Eye of Sauron or something so we venture out into the world so that Grok can grok us some grog. You grok it? We had fun this episode so if you don't enjoy listening, sucks for you. Also, I'm throwing Forrest under the bus for Buffy playing in the background. I know it's there, I just couldn't remove it all. I apologize(and so should Forrest)

 

The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels 

@Walk6070 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @codedude3 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans. @Eskimomo9 should be blessing us with her sweet melody soon.

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
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May 4, 2016  

Some people sleep. Some people sleep well. Well enough so you can watch them sleep. Well enough so you can steal their breath.
Okay, guy's something is wrong, but it will be okay. Everything will be okay soon. Very soon. We find our weaselest weaseltons in this Gerbo-damned place surrounded by racists... monsterist? surrounded by corn worshipers. How will our party escape when half of them look like freaks and no one wants to lay eyes upon them. Except for Mike, he has a thing for Grimgar. We're still not sure about... Doknoques(?) preference though so he could be into weird stuff. I'm sure he's had enough TIME to figure that out! Damn, I'm super tired. ANYWAY! ROUND 1, escape from CORNHOLE CITY! Ready! FIGHT!

We are, and totally will forever be @Direweasels. Currently we are Forrest @walk6070 as your DM, John @absurdistkobold as Doknoques, Ivana @arcanevice as Mike, and Cody @codedude3 as Grimgar.
Got any questions or comments that you want us to read on the show? Email us at direweasels@gmail.com.
Keep Forrest smiling by going on iTunes or your respective podcasting application to rate and review us! If you like use enough to keep the lights on (I'm not sure WHERE these lights are but they keep us going) go and check out patreon.com/direweasels to drop us some cold hard cash to burn in that fire and keep producing content!
Also, if you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio! Those who synergism together get electrocuted together!

 

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April 20, 2016  

Mike and Grimgar try to figure out what to do after losing track of Madison. Also we meet my new character. The first thing he says doesn't really make any sense because Forrest and I didn't talk before hand about the particulars of the situation. I would say more about the new guy, but the timing is off. We also spend a surprisingly large amount of time talking about various pronunciations of things, and spend a little time remembering the departed Matt.

 
@Direweasels are @walk6070, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, and @codedude3. Look for @eskimomo9 to return soon. Should be a good time.

Send us email at direweasels@gmail.com, rate and review on itunes, and check out patreon.com/direweasels.

I haven't really paid that much attention to these things, but the descriptions are formatted differently every week. Not that it matters or is especially interesting, but I will leave this bit about it here anyway.
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April 13, 2016  

So we've stepped into some weird island-land and we do *some* things but really we just sing and make Forrest reevaluate his choice in hobbies and friends. We also discover jumping rules and Ivana giggles... A LOT. It was a fun episode and someone disappears at the end. Stop setting your expectations for anything other than drunken tomfoolery and enjoy the fucking episode. 

The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels 

@Walk6070 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @codedude3 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans. 

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
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April 7, 2016  

There is a house in Cloud City,
They call the Yellow Cob,
They think they're not that kind of cult,
Soon they'll learn otherwise.

You know in Mario, that underground theme? It's such a good theme. It goes along well with the atmosphere below, this type of unknown that on occasion pauses to let you hear past the drops of water to hear the void breathing, the wind sweeping through the caves. It's interesting. Being so far underground, I wonder if our heroes can hear what unknown plans our DM Forrest is cooking up for them? Mike, Madison and Grimgar come face to face with an armored man, the one who Madison punched in the face. Yeah that one. With the "Cult" taken care of, what else do we learn? What about this chicken Bob Blaw Blah, or however you spell the damn thing... What's going on with Grimgar? What about Sturella, how is she involved in all of this? Is Mike's underwear just splatted with jizz? Will Madison ever find somebody to love?

We are, and totally will forever be @Direweasels. Currently we are Forrest @walk6070 as your DM, John @absurdistkobold as Madison , Ivana @arcanevice as Mike, and Cody @codedude3 as Grimgar.
Got any questions or comments that you want us to read on the show? Email us at direweasels@gmail.com. Keep Forrest smiling by going on iTunes or your respective podcasting application to rate and review us! If you like use enough to keep the lights on (I'm not sure WHERE these lights are but they keep us going) go and check out patreon.com/direweasels to drop us some cold hard cash to burn in that fire and keep producing content!
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March 30, 2016  

We fight a group of cultists who worship some bullshit god. We meet up with an old friend, and we find out what John's Harry Potter house is. Also, we discuss the mechanics of casting while falling. Really. That's a thing that happened.

 
@Direweasels are @walk6070, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, and @codedude3.
 
Send us email at direweasels@gmail.com, rate and review on itunes, and check out patreon.com/direweasels (and that Oxford comma we just dropped like hot lava).
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March 17, 2016  

Grimgar, Madison and Mike travel down a weird little door into our DM's weird little world to discover the truth about a weird little cult. Join us as we, again, destroy Forrest's expectations on how a game should go.

Your @Direweasels are @walk6070, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, and @codedude3.
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March 9, 2016  

The Nintendo 64 was a great system. It had a few problems, sure, but for the most part it was a pretty solid console. The naming convention of the games also was great, Wave Race 64, Super Mario 64, Star Fox 64 and so much more. Also gave me a real hard on because the whole significance of the number 64 in relation to computer science. Even that expansion pack looked sex, with that red top, felt good to upgrade. Don't get me started on Majora's Mask or Perfect Dark. Oh, dark... Yeah...

Things got pretty dark last episode, like the text for it said. Things sort of start to look up? I mean there's barrels now! Your... heroes(?)... make their way to find this "Ged Chauner" near a green place. Have some laughs along the way and try to figure out what exactly is going on. Also, @walk6070 our illustrious DM gets pretty drunk, while the rest of the Dire Weasels, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, and @codedude3, make things.... interesting. If you like lumberjack log rolling, finding out the true meaning of the word green, and having us make a man out of you, you'll want to listen to this episode.

We're the @DireWeasels, find us at patreon.com/direweasels and rate/review on iTunes!

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March 2, 2016  

So... yeah. It got dark again this episode. Your wonderful, kind, loving dungeon master, @walk6070, tried to do some world building last episode, and he should have known that his crazy cast, @arcanevice, @codedude3, and @absurdistkobold, would teach him a lesson for trying to do some quality D&D. Anyway, they make a certain man regret his choice in pocket squares and make another man regret his choice in groups to DM for. Like I said, it gets a bit violent this time, so you've been warned.

 
We're the @DireWeasels, find us at patreon.com/direweasels and rate/review on iTunes!
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February 24, 2016  

Its praise day in cloud city. Our adventurers decide to attend, get away somehow with killing a robo cop and meet a man with an interesting pocket square. Also what's up with Grimgar?

@DireWeasels are DM @walk6070, Mike @arcanevice, Madison @absurdistkobold, and Grimgar @codedude3 .

Check out our patreon at www.patreon.com/direweasels .  Also, rate and review us on itunes (5 stars is the correct number of stars). Email us direweasels@gmail.com or tweet us @direweasels. Feel free to visit us at www,direweasels.podbean.com

 

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February 10, 2016  

All of your kind, loving DM's carefully laid plans go to hell almost immediately when the adventurers decide to get a room for the night. Grimgar decides to do some 'extracurricular adventuring' and it just goes downhill from there. Join us for the carnage!

 
Your @Direweasels are @walk6070, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, and @codedude3.
 
Find us on Patreon at patreon.com/direweasels!
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January 20, 2016  

In this episode our adventurers continue to try and figure out the meaning behind the green and gray robes and quickly find themselves involved in an urban chase. The end result is about what you would expect, yet the party is surprisingly able to acquire and decipher some new clues! I put the song at the end in just for John.

@DireWeasels are DM @walk6070, Mike @arcanevice, Madison @absurdistkobold, Grimgar @codedude3, Editor @chalupabatman27, and Sorely missed favorite @eskimomo9!

Check out our patreon at www.patreon.com/direweasels .  Also, rate and review us on itunes (5 stars is the correct number of stars). Email us direweasels@gmail.com or tweet us @direweasels. Feel free to visit us  at direweasels.podbean.com

 

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January 13, 2016  
Some people are gone, and a new person arrives. Surprisingly little happens, unless you like squirrel magic and tangents. It turns out that I used the title, Nominally an Episode too soon. That being said, it is an entertaining listen. Also, it turns out that the title caps at 200 characters. I feel like that's new.
 

@DireWeasels are@walk6070, @arcanevice, @absurdistkobold, @codedude3, @chalupabatman27, and @eskimomo9!

 
Check out our patreon at www.patreon.com/direweasels .  Also, rate and review us on itunes (5 stars is the correct number of stars). Email us direweasels@gmail.com or tweet us @direweasels. Feel free to visit direweasels.podbean.com
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January 6, 2016  

The Weasels continue trying to figure out what the hell is up with the damn Robit... I mean those friendly Robits.. We love you Robits. Things happen. Crumbs are thrown and Ways are parted. They still have no idea what they're doing both in and out of game. ENJOY!

 
(Ivana did not procrastinate nor fall asleep multiple times while editing this episode...)
The @DireWeasels are your DM, @walk6070, Mike Bagaducci, @arcanevice, Madison Fairfax, @absurdistkobold, Norville Glimmerbottom (Human Wizard), @chalupabatman27, and Starella Goldstein, @eskimomo9!
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December 28, 2015  

While the gang deals with the fallout of Madison jumping through the window back into his recently burnt, currently robot-infested home, Norville decides it's a good opportunity for some unorthodox home remodelling. What sort of shenanigans have they gotten themselves into this time?

 
(Forrest makes his triumphant return to editing with this episode, having used it as an excuse to hide from his family over the holidays.)
 
The @DireWeasels are your DM, @walk6070, Mike Bagaducci, @arcanevice, Madison Fairfax, @absurdistkobold, Norville Glimmerbottom (Human Wizard), @chalupabatman27, and Starella Goldstein, @eskimomo9!
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December 14, 2015  

The gang reads a fairly large number of emails. Later they resume picking up the pieces after the events of the last episode (with all of that robot assed nonsense). Investigation checks get a new name and things ramp up at the end. Hopefully everyone enjoys the happenings. 

 
@direweasels are: @absurdistkobold, @walk6070, @chalupabatman27, @arcanevice, and @eskimomo9
 
Check out our patreon at www.patreon.com/direweasels .  Also, rate and review us on itunes (5 stars is the correct number of stars). Email us direweasels@gmail.com or tweet us @direweasels. We have some new blurbs on the cast and characters page, which you can find at direweasels.podbean.com.
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