Dire Weasels: A real(ish) play 5e Dungeons and Dragons podcast Once described as if D&D and Cards Against Humanity had a baby. That seems fairly close.

December 4, 2016  

They say most stories come in three acts. Well, the good ones at least. I'm not so sure if this is "a good one" or not, but I enjoyed playing in it. I hope you enjoy listening to it. It's been a long time coming, and things about to come to an end. How will things end up? Will everyone escape with their lives? Will only some of us survive? Or will we be trapped in this hell house forever?

Sorry about the lateness of this latest episode, and the lack of care in this edit. Getting hectic around the offices here at Dire Weasels HQ. Thank you for your continued patience, and we have been making progress towards getting back to cannonical episodes. Here more from us soon!

On this episode of Arbitrary Adventures, we feature Alex Cater, from S House Studios @happypuke, Ben Cook, from Illogical Show, a Star Trek based show, both @thebendcook and @illogicalshow, John, our regular @absurdistKobold, Matt, from GeeklyInc Random Encounters, @punk1290, Travis, find his art and more, @ibplunderin, Jack, find him @Mr_Cynic and his emails he sends to us, and Cody, from stuff, @codedude3. Again, they have character names, but I'm too lazy. If you like what we do here, give us a review on your podcasting app! Maybe even go over to patreon,com/direweasels and throw some cash at us. Want to go ahead and contact us, email us at direweasels@gmail.com! Go ahead and find more podcasts in the S House Studio network, maybe check out @SHouseStudio first on twitter.

The music for the intro and outro respectively are “This House” and “Evening of Chaos” both by Kevin MacLeod from incompetech.com. These songs are Licensed under a Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License.

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November 20, 2016  

You heard our story begin. Interested to hear more? It's time to explore the house more, delving deep into it's depths. What will the house uncover? What's so terrible about this house that one would, disembowl themselves? One creepy house, alcohol, triangles of love. What could go wrong? Let Alex guide us through one night of horror.

Sorry about the lateness of this latest episode, and the lack of care in this edit. Getting hectic around the offices here at Dire Weasels HQ. Thank you for your continued patience, and we have been making progress towards getting back to cannonical episodes. Here more from us soon!

On this episode of Arbitrary Adventures, we feature Alex Cater, from S House Studios @happypuke, Ben Cook, from Illogical Show, a Star Trek based show, both @thebendcook and @illogicalshow, John, our regular @absurdistKobold, Matt, from GeeklyInc Random Encounters, @punk1290, Travis, find his art and more, @ibplunderin, Jack, find him @Mr_Cynic and his emails he sends to us, and Cody, from stuff, @codedude3. Again, they have character names, but I'm too lazy. If you like what we do here, give us a review on your podcasting app! Maybe even go over to patreon,com/direweasels and throw some cash at us. Want to go ahead and contact us, email us at direweasels@gmail.com! Go ahead and find more podcasts in the S House Studio network, maybe check out @SHouseStudio first on twitter.

The music for the intro and outro respectively are “This House” and “Evening of Chaos” both by Kevin MacLeod from incompetech.com. These songs are Licensed under a Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License.

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November 3, 2016  

The wind begins to howl. The old dead trees outside start to tap on the dusty windows of this old mansion. Someone asks, "Why are we here?". Another replies... FOR CONTENT! Another Arbitrary Adventure for you all! Our friend from S House Studio, Alex Cater, wanted to play a spooky game for Halloween and couldn't find enough players. Here at Dire Weasels thought that was a travesty so we FIXED IT AND MADE CONTENT! We hope you enjoy, because it's like rain on your wedding day, it's like a free ride, to a roller-coaster to hell.

On this episode of Arbitrary Adventures, we feature Alex Cater, from S House Studios @happypuke, Ben Cook, from Illogical Show, a Star Trek based show, both @thebendcook and @illogicalshow, John, our regular @absurdistKobold, Matt, from GeeklyInc Random Encounters, @punk1290, Travis, find his art and more, @ibplunderin, Jack, find him @Mr_Cynic and his emails he sends to us, and Cody, from stuff, @codedude3. Again, they have character names, but I'm too lazy. If you like what we do here, give us a review on your podcasting app! Maybe even go over to patreon,com/direweasels and throw some cash at us. Want to go ahead and contact us, email us at direweasels@gmail.com! Go ahead and find more podcasts in the S House Studio network, maybe check out @SHouseStudio first on twitter.

The music for the intro and outro respectively are “This House” and “Evening of Chaos” both by Kevin MacLeod from incompetech.com. These songs are Licensed under a Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License.

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October 27, 2016  

Things have been pretty hectic recently. So, the gang has decided to go on a bit of a canonical hiatus. Instead of the regular showing today, we bring you... uhhh... this...

In the beginning, there was random. Then random things happened in the random and then exploded... randomly. Then, Bapperson made a random character creator based on the Wizards random character creator. Thus, THE RANDOM GROUP WAS BORN!

After randomly being placed in a random tavern, and randomly talking to a random group of bards called the Pixies, the group ventures off into the woods to find what random adventures they get up to today!!!

Today's episode was GM'd by Cody Boker, @codedude3, and our players were, John Venrick, @AbsurdistKobold, Gwynn Walker, @GwynnAndTonic, Lorelai, @lothlorien_elf, and Sean, @Wolfven1. To be honest, they had character names too, but I'm too lazy to go back and find them. Thanks to all of you that support us on Patreon! And for those who want to support us like they have, go to patreon.com/direweasels and donate what you can each month. Also, check out the other podcasts on the S. House Studio network, and find them @SHouseStudio! If you want to get in contact with us, hit us up at direweasels@gmail.com with your questions, answers and maybe suggestions to what games you would like us to play and maybe a guest spot on the show for an Arbitrary Adventure! Thanks so much for listening!

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October 12, 2016  

So they're in the tower. And they meet some weird dude. And then my baby started yelling at me. This guy was an awful cook so we tried fighting him. Then the baby started yelling at me again. Mike carries the group. As usual. Even though the baby kept yelling. We do stay surprisingly on track, probably because I was muted most of the time. ENJOY!

But seriously, I apologize. I'm still trying to get the hang of this mommy & me podcasting thing we've got going. 

The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels 

@Walk6070 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @codedude3 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans. 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
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October 5, 2016  
We meet some sphinxes in the tower, and one of them was digging herself some Grimgar. There are also bees and potions. The John tangents went over less well than usual, but they were still relatively abundant. Also, Gwynn was killing it in chat. Ultimately, it boils down to the Dire Weasels vs. a heavy door. Who will win this epic battle? Listen and find out.

@DireWeasels : @Walk6070, @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @codedude3 and @arcanevice

Rate and review us at itunes. Also, if you figure out how to rate and review us on google music, feel free to let me (@absurdistkobold) know so that I might be able to do that thing myself. Check out our Patreon (patreon.com/direweasels), which to be fair, might be in need of a little bit of a refresh. Check out our sibling podcasts at the glorious house of S (@shousestudio). Email us at direweasels@gmail.com. Those are the things. Thanks for listening.

I am copying my end thing from last time, because I am very much interested in the whole rating and reviewing on Google thing.

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September 29, 2016  
We finally enter what ever this... "Tower" thing is supposed to be. Something, however, seems off. Something mysterious is happening here, but I don't think the characters realize it yet. Nor do the players even... Don't be alone, because madness ensues in this very tight, very limp episode of the Dire Weasels podcast! I penetrate the darkness...

We are, and totally will forever be @Direweasels. Currently we are Forrest @walk6070 as your DM, John @absurdistkobold as DoaKnucks, Ivana @arcanevice as Mike, Mollie @eskimomo9 as Sierra Mist and Cody @codedude3 as Grimgar.

Got any questions or comments that you want us to read on the show? Email us at direweasels@gmail.com.

Keep Forrest smiling by going on iTunes or your respective podcasting application to rate and review us! If you like use enough to keep the lights on (I'm not sure WHERE these lights are but they keep us going) go and check out patreon.com/direweasels to drop us some cold hard cash to burn in that fire and keep producing content!

Also, if you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio! Those who synergism together get electrocuted together!

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September 22, 2016  

We do things. And stuff. We kinda sorta get things done. Also, Ivana is a dove. 

The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels 

@Walk6070 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @codedude3 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans. 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
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September 14, 2016  

More SUPER HEROES?!? Well, kind of. It's the BLOOPISODE! While editing, took out some of the best tangents to make the original edit sounds smoother. Hope it worked! Now, you get the trash, the filth, the vile underbelly of the cutting room floor. I hope you are HAPPY with yourselves. I would warn you however, these episode is not to be taken lightly.

ALSO! Sorry about our regular release schedule, things have been going topsy turvy, and we are just trying to get back on track. Send some good vibes Ivana's(@arcanevice) and John's(@absurdistKobold) way if you would please! ... Does anyone read these? Anyway...

Send us email at direweasels@gmail.com, rate and review on iTunes (and google, let me review a damn podcast), and check out patreon.com/direweasels.

If you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio.

Joining us for this fiasco is Bailee as Ms. Print, @Ir0icanventure, and Jonny as Brimstone Kid, @solventbubbles. Your regular cast is John as Sticky Fingers, @absurdistkobold, Forrest as Ronald Raygun, @walk6070, and Cody as Tik Tok, @codedude3

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September 2, 2016  
Now we know you be loving this shit right here.

@DireWeasels : @Walk6070, @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @codedude3 and @arcanevice

Rate and review us at itunes. Also, if you figure out how to rate and review us on google music, feel free to let me (@absurdistkobold) know so that I might be able to do that thing myself. Check out our Patreon (patreon.com/direweasels), which to be fair, might be in need of a little bit of a refresh. Check out our sibling podcasts at the glorious house of S (@shousestudio). Email us at direweasels@gmail.com. Those are the things. Thanks for listening.

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August 27, 2016  

This is our finale of our Super Hero Fiasco... FIASCO! Things start heating up! I'm hoping my editing skills this time around are better! What will happen to Ronald Raygun and his plans? Will Brimstone Kid be trapped in the hell dimension at some point? Will Jonny sing ANOTHER song?!? Listen to this latest episode to find out!

Send us email at direweasels@gmail.com, rate and review on iTunes (and google, let me review a damn podcast), and check out patreon.com/direweasels.

If you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio.

Joining us for this fiasco is Bailee as Ms. Print, @Ir0icanventure, and Jonny as Brimstone Kid, @solventbubbles. Your regular cast is John as Sticky Fingers, @absurdistkobold, Forrest as Ronald Raygun, @walk6070, and Cody as Tik Tok, @codedude3.

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August 18, 2016  

With chaos currently griping the crew of the Dire Weasels, we turn to some of our audience to help give you some content! This time, after a fateful dice roll and some decision non-making, we decided to play Fiasco, and in the shadow of SHU, we decide to play Super heroes! I mean, sort of? You'll see.

I decided to take some liberties with this episode. I've added in somethings that I hope more help than harm the episode as a whole. If you liked what you heard, let us know! This is only a part one, which means your input may decide on what we do with part 2! I've taken out some of the banter, but don't worry, it's all in a blooper reel I've been creating. Now, on to actual business...

Send us email at direweasels@gmail.com, rate and review on iTunes (and google, let me review a damn podcast), and check out patreon.com/direweasels.

If you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio.

Joining us for this fiasco is Bailee as Ms. Print, @Ir0icanventure, and Jonny as Brimstone Kid, @solventbubbles. Your regular cast is John as Sticky Fingers, @absurdistkobold, Forrest as Ronald Raygun, @walk6070, and Cody as Tik Tok, @codedude3.

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August 11, 2016  

Soo like my mom always yelled at me to not procrastinate because "You never know when an emergency will happen and you won't be able to finish your project on time" and I was always like "yeah, whatever mom. I got an A on my paper. BOOM!" and then I had to edit this episode...So I kinda sorta half way edited it like two weeks ago and then I was just feeling out of it. So I figured I'd finish up and post it on Thursday instead of Wednesday...Low and behold my water breaks and I'm on the way to the hospital.

Moral of the story, don't procrastinate. You never know when your water will break. Then you'll be stuck trying to finish up an edit two weeks late with a kid on your boob and not enough sleep. So basically I'm sorry I suck at doing normal grown up things and you wonderful Listeners had to wait for this magical episode where Cody is our Game Master and rustles us through some creepy community college campus whilst playing Pokemon Go. In the future. Forrest was missing for this one. Probably playing Pokemon Go in real life because he's much cooler than us.
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August 3, 2016  

There were some timing issues (one of which I created) that I attempted to get fixed up, so hopefully that all sounds alright. There are also a couple of instances where a guest's audio sounds a bit roboty, but I wasn't sure how to get that fixed up. I could have made a personal fortune by demanding to get paid per throat clearing sound removed. I am not entirely sure how to describe the proceedings, but Cody ran the game (I think it would be safe to say his games have a particular feel to them, which is related to the tentative relationship the world seems to have with what the pcs perceive as reality). There were also lots of giggles and instances of John vs. chat trolls. It was a bad day for chat trolls (help us combat/outnumber them by watching live at twitch.tv/direweasels). Also, congratulations to Ivana and Fred on the birth of their new son. The release schedule might start looking weird (or technically already has gotten a bit strange, as Ivana went into labor while editing the last Arbitrary Adventure, so they are not coming out chronologically). 

Send us email at direweasels@gmail.com, rate and review on itunes (and google, let me review a damn podcast), and check out patreon.com/direweasels.

If you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio.

This week's cast included; @absurdistkobold, @codedude3, @ibplunderin, @thebendcook, and @lothlorien_elf.
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July 20, 2016  
Between kittens and killers, we try to figure out, as a party, what we are going to do next! That's actually about it? We talk, some of us change personalities, and use the restroom? It's weird. We all tried to pay attention real hard, but we think we know what we are doing? Something about purple lights and something coming from the south. What could that be? Do you think that cat Mike threw was the Goblin lady thing? Who knows! Maybe figure it out with this episode? I mean. I guess...

We are, and totally will forever be @Direweasels. Currently we are Forrest @walk6070 as your DM, John @absurdistkobold as DueNauks, Ivana @arcanevice as Mike, Mollie @eskimomo9 as Sierra Mist and Cody @codedude3 as Grimgar.

Got any questions or comments that you want us to read on the show? Email us at direweasels@gmail.com.

Keep Forrest smiling by going on iTunes or your respective podcasting application to rate and review us! If you like use enough to keep the lights on (I'm not sure WHERE these lights are but they keep us going) go and check out patreon.com/direweasels to drop us some cold hard cash to burn in that fire and keep producing content!

Also, if you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio! Those who synergism together get electrocuted together!

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July 13, 2016  

We had some technecical difficulties, so the audio is uneven in this episode, but there's still amusement to be found here. We meet another goblin, so a good chunk of the podcast has 3 people using essentially the same voice. Some shit with cats goes down, and Forrest wanted me to put a bunch of puns in the title, but fuck that shit. 

@DireWeasels : @Walk6070, @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @codedude3 and @arcanevice

Rate and review us at itunes. Also, if you figure out how to rate and review us on google music, feel free to let me (@absurdistkobold) know so that I might be able to do that thing myself. Check out our Patreon (patreon.com/direweasels), which to be fair, might be in need of a little bit of a refresh. Check out our sibling podcasts at the glorious house of S (@shousestudio). Email us at direweasels@gmail.com. I think that's what I have for now. Thanks for listening.

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July 7, 2016  

So the gang begins their casual trek upon The Big Road and encounters an encounter that should have been encountered for only 5 minutes. They manage to stretch it into one full episode of bull shit, unsurprisingly. Ivana is on a roll with comedic GOLD, Cody is slowly becoming a robot and John realizes he must have done something horrible in his previous life to deserve our company. ((Me thinks he was previously Hitler.)) So join us on our road to Perdition and grab a couple brewskies to help ease the pain. 

The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels 

@Walk6070 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @codedude3 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans. 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
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June 30, 2016  
This episode was supposed to come out during Geeklycon, but due to forgetting my own audio at home, and having such a great time, it didn't happen... However, this was still an interesting episode! Forrest tries to finally punish us for all that we have done, like bad little children... ooooo. Also, I should mention, something happens to John's computer so we lost that audio, so John ripped the audio from twitch and we used that for the beginning of the episode.

As for actual story stuff, the gang almost gets hung, and not in the good way. There were plenty of great goofs in here, so I left as many in as I could... and by that, I mean minimal edit... Hopefully I don't get hung for my crimes...

We are, and totally will forever be @Direweasels. Currently we are Forrest @walk6070 as your DM, John @absurdistkobold as DewKnaucks, Ivana @arcanevice as Mike, Mollie @eskimomo9 as Sierra Mist and Cody @codedude3 as Grimgar.

Got any questions or comments that you want us to read on the show? Email us at direweasels@gmail.com.

Keep Forrest smiling by going on iTunes or your respective podcasting application to rate and review us! If you like use enough to keep the lights on (I'm not sure WHERE these lights are but they keep us going) go and check out patreon.com/direweasels to drop us some cold hard cash to burn in that fire and keep producing content!

Also, if you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio! Those who synergism together get electrocuted together!

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June 8, 2016  

Mollie returns from Tax hell and we tangent like we haven't really chatted all that much as a group for half of a year or so. There's also a skill challenge, and lots of singing. Really. However much singing you think there is, there is probably more. It was fun to be a part of. Hopefully it will also be fun to listen to.

@Direweasels are @walk6070, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, @eskimomo9, and @codedude3. 

Send us email at direweasels@gmail.com, rate and review on itunes (and if you figure out how, google podcasts.... I sure haven't yet), and check out patreon.com/direweasels.

If you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio! 

If you're going to be in Portland in a week, come find us. Aside from @arcanevice, we don't bite.
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June 2, 2016  

The gang meets up with some dude named Cory Lon and gets to know him better, they also encounter the usual racism of Shits...I mean Gristanbul...

The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels 

@Walk6070 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @codedude3 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans. @Eskimomo9 should be blessing us with her sweet melody soon.

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
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May 26, 2016  
I've always had a minimal interest in science. There were some things that fascinated me, and other things that couldn't be more mundane. Even the classifications of living things was borderline mundane, but the ability to call out the species and genus, having some sort of variant name for things was always cool. Homo Sapiens, canis familiaris. Latin is just real cool. Even check out hericium erinaceus. Wish I had some sort of alternate name.

Anyway, we find our compatriots still searching for the "God's Eye" mushroom deep within the Caves of Gritstanbul. I'm only assuming they are the caves of said place. People are being crazy. And with crazy mushrooms attacking, some people could get a little crazy. Maybe even misinterpret what others are trying to do, or just lose ones self in the moment. Does this make any sense? Probably not. Sorry for the terrible edit! Tried to get this one done quick! Much love!

We are, and totally will forever be @Direweasels. Currently we are Forrest @walk6070 as your DM, John @absurdistkobold as DuNauques, Ivana @arcanevice as Mike, and Cody @codedude3 as Grimgar.

Got any questions or comments that you want us to read on the show? Email us at direweasels@gmail.com.
Keep Forrest smiling by going on iTunes or your respective podcasting application to rate and review us! If you like use enough to keep the lights on (I'm not sure WHERE these lights are but they keep us going) go and check out patreon.com/direweasels to drop us some cold hard cash to burn in that fire and keep producing content!
Also, if you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio! Those who synergism together get electrocuted together!

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May 18, 2016  

Forrest had to miss for reasons, and Ivana decided to try her hand at another 1 shot. Technology tried to thwart her at every turn, but 4 recorded hours later, something resembling a narrative arc was achieved (I was able to whittle it down to right around a tight 3 hours). We probably ramble more than usual, and talk a bit about the upcoming trip to geeklycon and how we would love to interact with fans, should they want to chat us up or play some games. Cody plays a blowhard, I play a really dumb dragonborn, and Mollie is a surprisingly not evil dwarf rogue who came from a criminal background. By the time I realized that I might want to split this in two, I was about 83% done with the edit, so I just went ahead and put out a long one. Thanks for listening.

@Direweasels are @walk6070 (not appearing), @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, @eskimomo9, and @codedude3. 

Send us email at direweasels@gmail.com, rate and review on itunes, and check out patreon.com/direweasels.

If you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio! If you don't like what we do, why did you download?
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May 11, 2016  

We're going on a squeegee hunt!

Actually we're looking for the Eye of Sauron or something so we venture out into the world so that Grok can grok us some grog. You grok it? We had fun this episode so if you don't enjoy listening, sucks for you. Also, I'm throwing Forrest under the bus for Buffy playing in the background. I know it's there, I just couldn't remove it all. I apologize(and so should Forrest)

The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels 

@Walk6070 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @codedude3 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans. @Eskimomo9 should be blessing us with her sweet melody soon.

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
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May 4, 2016  

Some people sleep. Some people sleep well. Well enough so you can watch them sleep. Well enough so you can steal their breath.
Okay, guy's something is wrong, but it will be okay. Everything will be okay soon. Very soon. We find our weaselest weaseltons in this Gerbo-damned place surrounded by racists... monsterist? surrounded by corn worshipers. How will our party escape when half of them look like freaks and no one wants to lay eyes upon them. Except for Mike, he has a thing for Grimgar. We're still not sure about... Doknoques(?) preference though so he could be into weird stuff. I'm sure he's had enough TIME to figure that out! Damn, I'm super tired. ANYWAY! ROUND 1, escape from CORNHOLE CITY! Ready! FIGHT!

We are, and totally will forever be @Direweasels. Currently we are Forrest @walk6070 as your DM, John @absurdistkobold as Doknoques, Ivana @arcanevice as Mike, and Cody @codedude3 as Grimgar.
Got any questions or comments that you want us to read on the show? Email us at direweasels@gmail.com.
Keep Forrest smiling by going on iTunes or your respective podcasting application to rate and review us! If you like use enough to keep the lights on (I'm not sure WHERE these lights are but they keep us going) go and check out patreon.com/direweasels to drop us some cold hard cash to burn in that fire and keep producing content!
Also, if you like what WE do, check out the other podcasts in the Glorious House of S network @SHouseStudio! Those who synergism together get electrocuted together!

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April 27, 2016  

Life happened and the weasels were unable to record an episode for this week, so John and Cody took it upon themselves to get together and apologize for missing, while also making an announcement about the podcast which has been in the works for a little bit. Also several tangents happen over the course of 20 minutes.

@Direweasels are @walk6070, @absurdistkobold, @arcanevice, and @codedude3. Before long, this list will include @eskimomo9.

Send us email at direweasels@gmail.com, rate and review on itunes, and check out patreon.com/direweasels.

We're sorry about the lack of a normal episode this week.
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