Dire Weasels: A real(ish) play 5e Dungeons and Dragons podcast Once described as if D&D and Cards Against Humanity had a baby. That seems fairly close.

December 14, 2016  

John Venrick (@absurdistkobold)


Tetsu Johnson. Has also played Sylvanus, Leonan Demoneye/Leona Lemonlime, Kyna Quigg, Worfras Agscale, Jamlamin Tyrnth, Dungeon Master (2 times), Nikstella Slinkhard, One of John's personalities, Sexton Hardpenis, Private Preston Velour, Madison Fairfax, Linnad Somethingfoot, whatever the Jock from the halloween episode was called, Dunak

John decided that fake blurbs would be the way to go (since he was the only Weasel who had written a legit blurb). He came from the swamps, and is not in fact, sitting in a puddle of piss. His love for language comes from his quick exit from the American south, and his liberal politics were acquired after he consumed the heart of one of the Kennedys. He tried to make it more palatable with steak seasoning, but it wasn't a success.

Forrest Walker (@walk6070)

Alex?. Has also played Suzie May Beauregard, Nowhere Sopa Trabajo, Gerbo Namfoodle, Hugh G Dyck, Dungeon Master

Forrest was birthed out of a great volcano which was inexplicably in the center of downtown Houston. His affinity towards the flames was not dulled by any random body parts which weighed as much as a duck. He listens to large quantities of substandard music, most easily identified by the presence of Meredith Brooks in his music collection. That being said, he also likes Chamber Band, so it isn't all bad.

Ivana Sarmiento (@arcanevice)

Crystal Light. Has also played  Ivana Dk'Jakker, Jezebel Smith, DM for the Ivanasodes, Kung Pao Chow, Nikbella Slinkhard, John's personality#2, Herman Marshall, Sparks Shazbot (TM), Mike has a last name

Ivana was raised in the deep jungle brush of Mexico City (ask her about it, she's very proud of her heritage). She drinks, but no more than your average aquatic creature. Did I not mention she is a low level water based deity (and by water I mean booze)?
 

MC Mollie  (@eskimomo9)

Struella Something Jewesque, Has also played Simon Stetson, Beeren Nom, Aerrin Teabarrel, Frequent Arbitrary GM, Sarah Marshall, 

Mollie talks now, having only gained the ability to speak around episode 11. She's the nicest Weasel, but still kills and cooks a puppy once or twice a month to pay her dues to the podcast. Also, these acts prove that she's in fact, ready to be an emotionless soldier in the army that we are putting together. 

Cody Boker (@codedude3)

Current DM. Formerly played Grimgar Bumblefuck and some others which I will update when I have more time.

Cody was raised by a pack of cuddly rabbits, therein preparing him for a long life as the conscience of the Dire Weasels. They taught him how to forage and just generally be a cuddly guy. When the revolution comes, he will be the charismatic face which hides the actions of the likes of John and Ivana.

Former Weasels/Starguests

Matt Hankins (@chalupabatman27)

Norville Glimmerbottom. Has also played Herbert Stetson, Professor McGilicuddy, A third example of one of John' s personalities, Flash Gordawn

Matt Hankins is a father of a happy family of opossums and is gainfully employed by the NSA, mining phone calls for the hottest DBZ references. He also really, really likes Twilight. Currently. More than he likes Star Wars.

Josh Slyter (@joshslyter)

Played Elrich Vanderbilt, Miles O'Brady, Randan Nom, DM for Episodes 15-35 (or so)

Jacob Newfield (apparently doesn't believe in twitter)

Played Van Valore

Phillip Canada (@canada_phillip)

Played Darrin Everwind

Steph Kingston (@stephokingston)

Played Rainbow Moonshine

Marc G (@0dius)

Played Morn Something or other.

Mort (@mortimaus)

Played Clancy Moonshine

Mike (@malvinity)

Played Bronan The Barbarian or something.

Gwynn (@cannoncanons)

Played Jack Softalot

I will relisten and add in all of the things from the halloween episode soon.