Dire Weasels: A real(ish) play 5e Dungeons and Dragons podcast Once described as if D&D and Cards Against Humanity had a baby. That seems fairly close.

December 6, 2017  

Cody is still making us fight things. He's taking this pretty seriously. What the hell kind of DM is he?! Oh and Ivana STILL doesn't know how to play D & D. 

 

@CodeDude3 is our mighty glorious leader guiding us into battle. @arcaneVice gets drunk. @AbsurdistKobold has fabulous hair. @Eskimomo9 silently regrets every decision that has lead her to this podcast. @Walk6070 jerks it to the sound of typing and howler monkeys.
@0dius does the best he can with the ridiculous shit we give him.

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October 18, 2017  

I bet you’re wondering why this episode is being posted later in day.... IT’S BECAUSE I ACTUALLY LISTENED TO IT! I didn’t fail you guys this week. Well I kind of did because I’m terrible at D & D even after playing it for 3 years straight.

 

Any way.... Ivana teaches the word of the Lefthander, quite literally. Forrest doesn’t remember shit (neither does Ivana), John pulls a John and just gets us into stupid combat and Mollie is too pure for this podcast. Cody somehow avoids a heart attack.

 

@CodeDude3 is our mighty glorious leader guiding us into battle. @arcaneVice gets drunk. @AbsurdistKobold has fabulous hair. @Eskimomo9 silently regrets every decision that has lead her to this podcast. @Walk6070 jerks it to the sound of typing and howler monkeys.
@0dius does the best he can with the ridiculous shit we give him.

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October 11, 2017  

Hey guys, Zuko here.

 

Just kidding, it’s me. Your favorite weasel. Yeah, I know it’s me. I didn’t listen to this episode so I don’t know what happens BUT I’m listening to the next episode as I type this so the next episode will have a better description that may or may not spoil this episode. I won’t know if it spoils it because, again, I know fuck all of what happens in this episode.

 

 

@CodeDude3 is our mighty glorious leader guiding us into battle. @arcaneVice gets drunk. @AbsurdistKobold has fabulous hair. @Eskimomo9 silently regrets every decision that has lead her to this podcast. @Walk6070 jerks it to the sound of typing and howler monkeys.
@0dius does the best he can with the ridiculous shit we give him. 

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October 5, 2017  

We're no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of
You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just want to tell you how I'm feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

 

 

 

@CodeDude3 is our mighty glorious leader guiding us into battle. @arcaneVice gets drunk. @AbsurdistKobold has fabulous hair. @Eskimomo9 silently regrets every decision that has lead her to this podcast. @Walk6070 jerks it to the sound of typing and howler monkeys.
@0dius does the best he can with the ridiculous shit we give him. 

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August 30, 2017  

It has been like DECADES since we recorded. We're a little rusty. Tetsu does some shit, Crystal Light kind of pays attention and the gang attempts to do a whatsmacalls it. Skill assesment or whatever. That actually happened first. I don't know, just listen to the episode. If you want. You don't have to. You're free to do whatever you'd like actually, except certain things. But that's really not us controlling you. That's the government. Don't blame us, we just drink and roll dice.

 

 

@CodeDude3 is our mighty glorious leader guiding us into battle. @arcaneVice gets drunk. @AbsurdistKobold has fabulous hair. @Eskimomo9 silently regrets every decision that has lead her to this podcast. @Walk6070 jerks it to the sound of typing and howler monkeys.

@0dius does the best he can with the ridiculous shit we give him. 

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
 
 
P.S. We are a part of The Glorious House of S. Go remind them how much you love your hairy weasels @ShouseStudio
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August 23, 2017  

Hey guys, guess we're back on our bullshit! After all that has happened, the people we've met, people we've killed, it's finally time to get down to this quest! Why are people dissappearing from Palllet Town and nearby hamlets to the north? What else is going on up there? And what was with that side quest? Best keep listening...

Thank you for downloading the Dire Weasels! You can find us on twitter collective @DireWeasels, find our DM Cody @codedude3, Forrest Walker is @walk6070, Ivana Greenleaf is @arcanevice, John is @absurdistkobold, and Mollie is @eskimomo9. If you like what you heard after downloading, head on over to iTunes or your respective podcasting app and give us a rating and review! If you do, send us an email at direweasels@gmail.com and let us know where to find it so we can read it out on the show! Or if you just want to email us some questions, that would be cool too! If you want to support us monetarily, check us out on Patreon at patreon.com/direweasels! We have tiers where you can affect the world, get some snail mail from us, or just get some bonus content! You can also find our amazing editor, Marc @0dius, that's with a zero not an O. 

We are also part of the S. House Network, a group of podcasts that like to promote one another and work together to be better at what we do! Check them out @SHouseStudio and find some of their videos on youtube.com/SHouseStudio! 

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June 8, 2017  

We're still stuck with our super speacial guest star unfortunately amd trying to get through Cody's devious plan. Oh joy.....

@CodeDude3 is our mighty glorious leader guiding us into battle. @arcaneVice gets drunk. @AbsurdistKobold has fabulous hair. @Eskimomo9 silently regrets every decision that has lead her to this podcast. @Walk6070 jerks it to the sound of typing and howler monkeys.

@0dius does the best he can with the ridiculous shit we give him. 

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
 
 
P.S. We are a part of The Glorious House of S. Go remind them how much you love your hairy weasels @ShouseStudio
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May 24, 2017  

Seriously, thanks for listening y'all!

@CodeDude3 is our mighty glorious leader guiding us into battle. @arcaneVice yells nonsense. @AbsurdistKobold disapproves of such things. @Eskimomo9 silently regrets every decision that has lead her to this podcast. @Walk6070 jerks it to the sound of typing and howler monkeys.

 

@0dius does the best he can with the ridiculous shit we give him. 

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
 
 
P.S. We are a part of The Glorious House of S. Go remind them how much you love your hairy weasels @ShouseStudio
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May 17, 2017  

So these chucklefucks just hop onto a boat, all willy nilly, with some stranger! Then little Oompa Loompa dudes are a thing in this world. THEN weird stuff happens. What stuff you ask? WELL LISTEN TO THE EPISODE AND YOU'LL FIND OUT!

 

 

 

@CodeDude3 is our mighty glorious leader guiding us into battle. @arcaneVice yells nonsense. @AbsurdistKobold disapproves of such things. @Eskimomo9 silently regrets every decision that has lead her to this podcast. @Walk6070 jerks it to the sound of typing and howler monkeys.

 

@0dius does the best he can with the ridiculous shit we give him. 

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
 
 
P.S. We are a part of The Glorious House of S. Go remind them how much you love your hairy weasels @ShouseStudio

 

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May 5, 2017  

This ones... a bit late. Sorry about that Mustiledae! Life's been a bit... wait, deja vu? Well then... This week on the Dire Weasel podcast, there's doom and gloom for the party. Their newest friend got attacked, and soon enough, they were too! Hope the majority of you are doing well! Hugs and kisses for all! I'm a bit tired, and the crew is a bit combobulated, but we'll get back in the swing of things soon! - C3

Thank you for downloading the Dire Weasels! You can find us on twitter collective @DireWeasels, find our DM Cody @codedude3, Forrest Walker is @walk6070, Ivana Greenleaf is @arcanevice, John is @absurdistkobold, and Mollie is @eskimomo9. If you like what you heard after downloading, head on over to iTunes or your respective podcasting app and give us a rating and review! If you do, send us an email at direweasels@gmail.com and let us know where to find it so we can read it out on the show! Or if you just want to email us some questions, that would be cool too! If you want to support us monetarily, check us out on Patreon at patreon.com/direweasels! We have tiers where you can affect the world, get some snail mail from us, or just get some bonus content! You can also find our amazing editor, Marc @0dius, that's with a zero not an O.

We are also part of the S. House Network, a group of podcasts that like to promote one another and work together to be better at what we do! Check them out @SHouseStudio and find some of their videos on youtube.com/SHouseStudio!

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April 24, 2017  

This ones... a bit late. Sorry about that Mustiledae! Life's been a bit disorganized as of late. However, things are looking up! Currently working on getting some things out to patreon people as well as others! And, I'm very excited as we close the gap to our 100th! Anyway, this time here in this cave that HAS NO ESCAPE, the team finds an escape route. Or so they think. They make a friends at least though. Right? Right. Maybe. Dammit.  - C3

Thank you for downloading the Dire Weasels! You can find us on twitter collective @DireWeasels, find our DM Cody @codedude3, Forrest Walker is @walk6070, Ivana Greenleaf is @arcanevice, John is @absurdistkobold, and Mollie is @eskimomo9. If you like what you heard after downloading, head on over to iTunes or your respective podcasting app and give us a rating and review! If you do, send us an email at direweasels@gmail.com and let us know where to find it so we can read it out on the show! Or if you just want to email us some questions, that would be cool too! If you want to support us monetarily, check us out on Patreon at patreon.com/direweasels! We have tiers where you can affect the world, get some snail mail from us, or just get some bonus content! You can also find our amazing editor, Marc @0dius, that's with a zero not an O.

We are also part of the S. House Network, a group of podcasts that like to promote one another and work together to be better at what we do! Check them out @SHouseStudio and find some of their videos on youtube.com/SHouseStudio!

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April 14, 2017  

Look, I'm trying to get past all this. Is what a great little side quest thing, and like, big story and what not, but dang. DO YOU HAVE TO LET IT LINGER! DO YOU HAVE TO, DO YOU HAVE TO, DO YOU HAVE TO LET IT LINGER!!! Okay. Now that that's off my chest, the party is still fighting with the sisters, but it seems like things are going in their favor. Crystal Light still has some weird tingles underneath her skin and Tetsu and Sturella still have to deal with some pests. Oh, and that Cock-head is somewhere and is probably not important what-so-ever... - C3

Thank you for downloading the Dire Weasels! You can find us on twitter collective @DireWeasels, find our DM Cody @codedude3, Forrest Walker is @walk6070, Ivana Greenleaf is @arcanevice, John is @absurdistkobold, and Mollie is @eskimomo9. If you like what you heard after downloading, head on over to iTunes or your respective podcasting app and give us a rating and review! If you do, send us an email at direweasels@gmail.com and let us know where to find it so we can read it out on the show! Or if you just want to email us some questions, that would be cool too! If you want to support us monetarily, check us out on Patreon at patreon.com/direweasels! We have tiers where you can affect the world, get some snail mail from us, or just get some bonus content! You can also find our amazing editor, Marc @0dius, that's with a zero not an O.

We are also part of the S. House Network, a group of podcasts that like to promote one another and work together to be better at what we do! Check them out @SHouseStudio and find some of their videos on youtube.com/SHouseStudio!

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April 5, 2017  

I don't do combat well. At least, in my own opinion. May need to change it up a bit. Anyway, this episode is full of combat and mysteries. I think I'm good at mysteries? It's weird. But last episode was weird too right? Who knows. I guess you do. The gang takes a more direct approach to solving their issues, at least continueing to. OH! I remember this episode. I liked the cliff hanger. Anyway, have fun with it! - C3 

Thank you for downloading the Dire Weasels! You can find us on twitter collective @DireWeasels, find our DM Cody @codedude3, Forrest Walker is @walk6070, Ivana Greenleaf is @arcanevice, John is @absurdistkobold, and Mollie is @eskimomo9. If you like what you heard after downloading, head on over to iTunes or your respective podcasting app and give us a rating and review! If you do, send us an email at direweasels@gmail.com and let us know where to find it so we can read it out on the show! Or if you just want to email us some questions, that would be cool too! If you want to support us monetarily, check us out on Patreon at patreon.com/direweasels! We have tiers where you can affect the world, get some snail mail from us, or just get some bonus content! You can also find our amazing editor, Marc @0dius, that's with a zero not an O.

We are also part of the S. House Network, a group of podcasts that like to promote one another and work together to be better at what we do! Check them out @SHouseStudio and find some of their videos on youtube.com/SHouseStudio!

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March 31, 2017  

Still more cave, but instead, now the party has dedicated to something. With all the craziness going on, something has to go down. This Cockhead knows something, these Drow are doing something malicious, and man, fuck this cave. Seriously. Well, at least I can tell you, we get into the action this week! Let's get to it! - C3

Thank you for downloading the Dire Weasels! You can find us on twitter collective @DireWeasels, find our DM Cody @codedude3, Forrest Walker is @walk6070, Ivana Greenleaf is @arcanevice, John is @absurdistkobold, and Mollie is @eskimomo9. If you like what you heard after downloading, head on over to iTunes or your respective podcasting app and give us a rating and review! If you do, send us an email at direweasels@gmail.com and let us know where to find it so we can read it out on the show! Or if you just want to email us some questions, that would be cool too! If you want to support us monetarily, check us out on Patreon at patreon.com/direweasels! We have tiers where you can affect the world, get some snail mail from us, or just get some bonus content! You can also find our amazing editor, Marc @0dius, that's with a zero not an O.

We are also part of the S. House Network, a group of podcasts that like to promote one another and work together to be better at what we do! Check them out @SHouseStudio and find some of their videos on youtube.com/SHouseStudio!

00:0000:00
March 23, 2017  

We cannot get out of this damn cave! Oh well, Eveyne is about to, then everything is going to be fine! However, what's going? Drow? Ravin' Queen? Like, are these bad people, or just people trying to have a good gosh diddly darn time? Not sure, well, actually I am, but you know. things happen. There's also a lot of grinding and making that booty clap. I'm never sure what else to put here. Anyway, listen up! AND ROLL OUT! - C3

Thank you for downloading the Dire Weasels! You can find us on twitter collective @DireWeasels, find our DM Cody @codedude3, Forrest Walker is @walk6070, Ivana Greenleaf is @arcanevice, John is @absurdistkobold, and Mollie is @eskimomo9. If you like what you heard after downloading, head on over to iTunes or your respective podcasting app and give us a rating and review! If you do, send us an email at direweasels@gmail.com and let us know where to find it so we can read it out on the show! Or if you just want to email us some questions, that would be cool too! If you want to support us monetarily, check us out on Patreon at patreon.com/direweasels! We have tiers where you can affect the world, get some snail mail from us, or just get some bonus content! You can also find our amazing editor, Marc @0dius, that's with a zero not an O. 

We are also part of the S. House Network, a group of podcasts that like to promote one another and work together to be better at what we do! Check them out @SHouseStudio and find some of their videos on youtube.com/SHouseStudio! 

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March 8, 2017  

Howdy all! Y'all? No, not doing that. This episode was... well, a bit of a mess despite me being completely prepared. In the aftermath of the small skirmish, Evynne was released from the room that has no anti magic field, I swear, in it and started searching through boxes. Real rude. Crystal Light and Sturella search a body, like good adventurers, but it's still pretty rude. Then Tetsu is muted and has some issues with their computer for a bit, which was rude on the computer's end and not due to the player. Also, what's this party boi's deal? I mean ALL OF THEM!? ALSO, WHAT IS GOING ON? Guess you'll have to listen and find out! - C3

Thank you for downloading the Dire Weasels! You can find us on twitter collective @DireWeasels, find our DM Cody @codedude3, Forrest Walker is @walk6070, Ivana Greenleaf is @arcanevice, John is @absurdistkobold, and Mollie is @eskimomo9. If you like what you heard after downloading, head on over to iTunes or your respective podcasting app and give us a rating and review! If you do, send us an email at direweasels@gmail.com and let us know where to find it so we can read it out on the show! Or if you just want to email us some questions, that would be cool too! If you want to support us monetarily, check us out on Patreon at patreon.com/direweasels! We have tiers where you can affect the world, get some snail mail from us, or just get some bonus content! You can also find our amazing editor, Marc @0dius, that's with a zero not an O. 

We are also part of the S. House Network, a group of podcasts that like to promote one another and work together to be better at what we do! Check them out @SHouseStudio and find some of their videos on youtube.com/SHouseStudio! 

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March 2, 2017  

There was a lot of emails in this episode. It made me very happy, but we barely had time for the combat, but all in all, I don't really like combat all that much. In this episode Evynne talks with the 3 drow ladies in the VIP room, and the rest of the party start attacking the poor Party Boi's who did NOTHING WRONG! Also, what's with Dk'Jakker wanna be angel thing? Who keeps talking to Crystal Light? Look guys, I'M SUBTLE OKAY? Anyway, like at the top, stay after for more emails! Did I mention I love getting emails?

Also, check out Patreon for your rewards, coming out on March 3rd, this Friday! Hopefully that worked? IDK... - C3

Thank you for downloading the Dire Weasels! You can find us on twitter collective @DireWeasels, find our DM Cody @codedude3, Forrest Walker is @walk6070, Ivana Greenleaf is @arcanevice, John is @absurdistkobold, and Mollie is @eskimomo9. If you like what you heard after downloading, head on over to iTunes or your respective podcasting app and give us a rating and review! If you do, send us an email at direweasels@gmail.com and let us know where to find it so we can read it out on the show! Or if you just want to email us some questions, that would be cool too! If you want to support us monetarily, check us out on Patreon at patreon.com/direweasels! We have tiers where you can affect the world, get some snail mail from us, or just get some bonus content! You can also find our amazing editor, Marc @0dius, that's with a zero not an O. 

We are also part of the S. House Network, a group of podcasts that like to promote one another and work together to be better at what we do! Check them out @SHouseStudio and find some of their videos on youtube.com/SHouseStudio! 

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February 8, 2017  

The gang tries to get some action. 

 

 

 

@CodeDude3 is our mighty glorious leader guiding us into battle. @arcaneVice yells nonsense. @AbsurdistKobold disapproves of such things. @Eskimomo9 silently regrets every decision that has lead her to this podcast. @Walk6070 jerks it to the sound of typing and howler monkeys.

 

@0dius does the best he can with the ridiculous shit we give him. 

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
 
 
P.S. We are a part of The Glorious House of S. Go remind them how much you love your hairy weasels @ShouseStudio

 

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February 2, 2017  

The gang begins their travels and encounters some weirdos on the road. Ivana wasn't paying attention as usual and Forrest is whatever.

 

@CodeDude3 is our mighty glorious leader guiding us into battle. @arcaneVice yells nonsense. @AbsurdistKobold disapproves of such things. @Eskimomo9 silently regrets every decision that has lead her to this podcast. @Walk6070 jerks it to the sound of typing and howler monkeys.

 

@0dius does the best he can with the ridiculous shit we give him. 

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
 
Also we need to shut John up about Google Reviews, anyone figure that shit out yet?
 
P.S. We are a part of The Glorious House of S. Go remind them how much you love your hairy weasels @ShouseStudio
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January 25, 2017  

A relatively fun shopping episode, you know, if that's your thing.

 

@CodeDude3 is our mighty glorious leader guiding us into battle. @arcaneVice yells nonsense. @AbsurdistKobold disapproves of such things. @Eskimomo9 silently regrets every decision that has lead her to this podcast. @Walk6070 jerks it to the sound of typing and howler monkeys.

 

@0dius does the best he can with the ridiculous shit we give him. 

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
 
Also we need to shut John up about Google Reviews, anyone figure that shit out yet?
 
P.S. We are a part of The Glorious House of S. Go remind them how much you love your hairy weasels @ShouseStudio
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January 19, 2017  

 

The wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is Tiggers are wonderful things
Their tops are made out of rubber
Their bottoms are made out of springs

They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy
Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!
But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers
Is I'm the only one, I'm the only one

Marc edited this. I did not listen to it beforehand because that would require a level of professionalism that I do not posses.

The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels 

@Codedude3 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @walk6070 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans. 

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
 
Also we need to shut John up about Google Reviews, anyone figure that shit out yet?
 
P.S. We are a part of The Glorious House of S. Go remind them how much you love your hairy weasels @ShouseStudio
 
P.P.S. Our editor is @0dius. Let him know how much better his edits sound than our usual stuff.
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January 11, 2017  

Hopefully I haven't already done the no title title gag. Marc makes his debut editing performance, which means things probably end up sounding more professional than you all are accustomed to. Along with Cody's ambition as a dm, it is like we are an entirely new podcast. Sorry we missed releasing last week, we were hammering out the whole having a regular editor thing. We have 3 in the can now though, so things should go off without a hitch for the forseeable future. We are at this point still feeling out our new characters and what have you, but it's a good listen. In a few episodes, we might actually start questing!

@DireWeasels : @Walk6070, @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @codedude3 and @arcanevice. Our editor is @0dius. Let him know how much better his edits sound than our usual stuff.

Rate us. Review us. If you want to support us, there's patreon.com/direweasels. The Shouse network exists for you to check out other podcasts made by people we like and are affiliated with. Also, you get more Cody in many of them. Thanks for listening.

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December 28, 2016  

HEY! HEY! HEY!

We suffer at the hands of a new master now. Our path is being set before us, we are mere instruments clutched in the hands of a mad God. The glorious accountant *ahem* I mean Warlock has made her return to your ear holes. She attempts to wrangle a new group of adventurers. Also John enlightens Ivana on her discrimination against poor little kobolds. Racism is bad, mmkay?

 

The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels 

@Codedude3 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @walk6070 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans. 

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
 
Also we need to shut John up about Google Reviews, anyone figure that shit out yet?
 
P.S. We are a part of The Glorious House of S. Go remind them how much you love your hairy weasels @ShouseStudio
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December 14, 2016  

Spoiler alert. Audacity took the fight in the end. Mollie's track goes from very distorted to normal to the audience not being able to hear her while we all still respond to the things she says (she's like our Garfield for the last 20-25 minutes of the episode). We recorded for the first time after a long layoff, so a lot of this episode is shaking off the ring rust and being excited to chat with friends again. But something big happens. Also, just in case we haven't been great about spreading the word, when we record, we are looking atn 7:30-9 JST. Thanks for listening.

@DireWeasels : @Walk6070, @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @codedude3 and @arcanevice

Rate and review us whereever you feel is best. Forrest would love you if it were iTunes, but ultimately any exposure helps. Check out our sibling podcasts on the Shouse podcast studio. If you want to help us do what we do, there is always patreon.com/direweasels.

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October 12, 2016  

So they're in the tower. And they meet some weird dude. And then my baby started yelling at me. This guy was an awful cook so we tried fighting him. Then the baby started yelling at me again. Mike carries the group. As usual. Even though the baby kept yelling. We do stay surprisingly on track, probably because I was muted most of the time. ENJOY!

But seriously, I apologize. I'm still trying to get the hang of this mommy & me podcasting thing we've got going. 

 

The voices you hear are not imagined, they're the collective cacophany of @DireWeasels 

@Walk6070 guides our shenanigans while @AbsurdistKobold, @eskimomo9, @codedude3 and @arcanevice do said shenanigans. 

 

Tell us how much you love us: direweasels@gmail.com and stop being stingy with your stars and load us up with 5 on iTunes.
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